“If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.”

This quotation was ascribed to Marcus Tullius Cicero, an ancient Roman writer, philosopher and statesman who lived over 2000 years ago.

I like it because it confirms what we always thought inside of ourselves and old Cicero seems to have summed it up quite neatly. Confidence in self seems to be an old fashioned term but it probably has more meaning than self confidence as it implies ability that’s there but not being used.

Let’s just step back and think about what ‘ confidence in self ‘ or ’self confidence’ really is. Most of us are better at some things than others, or have more knowledge on some subjects than others. e.g. some people can cook well, some people can garden well, some people can do maths, others can spell, some people know history, others can speak foreign languages etc. we’re all different. It doesn’t matter whether you have a natural aptitude for something or you’ve learned it the hard way – the point here is that you have the knowledge or expertise.

So, looking at these ‘things’ we’re fairly good at or know about, if someone approaches you and asks you about the subject, or to do something related to it e.g. (to follow our examples) bake a cake, plant a tree, add a sum of figures, explain a war, know ‘what’s French for…’ and so on. We don’t freeze up, we do it without hardly thinking, we know we can do it. We have the ability so we can achieve it. (Dare I say it – ‘we’re confident we can do it’).

Let’s analyze this a bit more. We know we can do it because we have self knowledge. It’s one of our strengths, we have confidence in our ability – no problem, so we just get on and do it. In this particular situation, we have belief, faith, assurance, however you phrase it, it’s confidence in self.

Now, if some one asks you to do something you know little about it’s a whole new ball game. You’re not sure you can do it, you can feel nervous or even slightly scared.

Here’s where you do a reality check, you know your strengths (things you can do confidently) but you’re also aware of what you’ve not done (important point here: not can’t do).

Now people always talk about ’strengths and weaknesses’. I don’t subscribe to that. I think it’s strengths and ‘things we don’t know about or haven’t been taught correctly’.

You know that you can do certain things, have knowledge of some things because you do them. If you knew how to perform this new task, you’d do it, but currently you don’t know.

One definition of self confidence is ‘the belief that you can achieve your goals’.

You already have this belief in certain situations, so what I’m saying here is that for a new challenge you can still have this belief. To put it in perspective, all you need is more knowledge or develop the skill.

So now we understand this, what should we do? – here’s one of the best steps:

Make a resolve to speak out, give your opinion when you would have kept quiet before; try to not be as timid. Think rationally and logically but always be positive i.e how to achieve the task. (Don’t forget to talk positively as well e.g.’ In order to do this we’ll have to……’ not ‘we can’t do this because….’).

It’s amazing how soon you will forget about being nervous and having self doubts.

Once you’ve met a new or challenging situation, and succeeded; you’re well on the way to have faith in your own ability. People will regard you as self confident although funnily enough you yourself won’t.

However, as our old mate Cicero says, you will have confidence in self.